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The Time Of My Life - Cecelia Ahern
Thursday, August 8, 2013 • 0 guys
Lucy Silchester's met her Life, someone whose task is to set her back on the right track, to live her life the right way, to be happy once again.
It's pretty amazing how a book can simply set you reflecting on your own life, causing you to realise how miserable it actually is.
I hate my life.
I know it's a statement that people usually use just because things do not go their way, which I believe is an immature thing to do. But that's not the case for me. I said it because this is not what I expect my life to be like, I'm not happy. Well, at least not entirely happy.
I hate how I'm such a lazy ass. I hate how I don't pack my stuff. Because right now, my room is a mess. And somehow, this reflects that I'm a mess. And I don't want to be one. But I'm not going to start tidying up too. I want to, but I'm just not going to.
I hate how I dislike the idea of being lonely, but when I'm with someone else, I simply wish that I'm alone.
I hate how people will start talking to me when I'm not in the mood to do so, and then they will question why I'm so 'emo'.
I hate how people think that I'm wealthy, simply because of the type of house I'm living in.
I hate how people think that I'm intelligent, simply because I scored well for my tests.
Because that's just bullshit. The house ain't even owned by my parents. I can't even afford half of the items I want. I saved and forked out my own money to buy those concert tickets and albums, my parents did not even pay a single a cent. I get fairly good results because I actually paid attention during certain lessons or I simply did some revision. Or maybe because I knew some of the test questions like majority did. Yes, that's cheating, but I can't help it, they're just there.
I hate the people around me. I hate my friends, well, I kind of do. I don't know why, but the feeling's just there. I'm not really happy around them. Well, I really am at times. But sometimes I'm not. Maybe it's because of their behaviour which irks me at times, or it's just me. I'm just not happy with them, and I'm not entirely happy with myself either. I hate it when I say really offensive stuff to people, though it's meant to be a joke, but most people don't really see it as one. I know that they don't really like it, and sometimes, I feel bad right after the words escaped from my mouth. But I'm not going to stop doing it, because I can't help it.
Habit. It had formed into a habit. I know that I don't like things to be this way. But I can't change who I am either. Lucy's lies built up, one after another, she couldn't help it, it's a natural thing for her to do. Similarly, once I act that way, I can't stop either. And if I could, it's not that easy either. It goes the same for me when I procrastinate. I see it as a form of letting my frustrations out. But the more I procrastinate, the angrier I felt, and I just get more frustrated. It drives me crazy, but I can't stop it either.
Lucy's Life asked her about her dreams. All she could think of was to win the lottery. 'If you have a dream, you want to at least be able to try to achieve it in some way. Something that is seemingly beyond your grasp but that you know that with a bit of hard work you could possibly achieve. Dreams should make you think, If I had the guts to do it and I didn't care what anybody thought, this is what I'd really do.'
I don't have a dream either. I have no idea what I would like to be in the future. I don't even know what courses I would like to take, what school I would like to attend. Dreams involving a perfect life, something similar to a typical cliche romance book, are simply wishful thinking. Because that ain't how life is supposed to be like, and it never will be. I have no dreams, no plans, nothing. And that's miserable and just stupid. As quoted from the book, 'not only are you not happy where you are, but you can't even think of where you'd rather be.' I don't even know how to make my life better.
Right now, I'm sick of my life. I've lost interest in education. I guess I'm pretty much wasting this thing of mine that you call 'life' away. I have loads of tests next week and I have no idea what's the chapters which are tested about. I have loads of uncompleted work, overdue ones too. I want to actually start doing some of them, I want to work hard. I really want to, but I just can't.
I really want to do something right, for once. I want to fix this life of mine, to make things better. But I don't really want to change who I am. I don't know how to make things right. I certainly do not have someone who is my Life, someone who is able to tell me what is the right thing to do. And even if I do have one, will I choose to believe what they have to say?
Because people are not whom they seemed to be, they never were. This world is built with lies. And somehow, I think that my life is one too.
Labels: #books, #life, #thoughts